Unraveling the Mystery, pt. 5

By the time I was 16, jerking off was as much a routine for me as eating.
And I ate a lot.
I managed to get a hold of a few magazines that were more sacred to me than any scripture.
Playboy, Penthouse, Gallery, and High Society.  I had to constantly hide and shift my stash around my room, as my mom was always cleaning, and always snooping.  I surgically removed this felt lining under my bed, and glued opposing velcro strips so that I could open it and stash them up inside the bed frame out of site.

But I got cocky and sloppy {puns intended} and one day I inadvertently left my two Playboy's sitting under my bed.  My mom went vacum my room and found them while  I was at school.

I got home from school and noticed my mom seemed pissed.  She didn't say a word to me and went out to the garden to work.  After a while I looked under my bed and realized what was missing.  "Oh shit" crossed my mind just as I heard my dad get home from work.  I figured my mom had probably already called my dad, this made the wait and anxiety peak.  I figured there was nothing I could really do so I fired up some music and worked on homework until the bomb dropped.

I was 16 and never got "the talk", nor was anything taught at school, sexuality was never discussed in my household.  Masturbation was also a taboo topic those days...even at school it was never really discussed among other kids other than crude jokes.

So my dad entered the room with the proverbial "we need to talk about something" as he carried my magazines into the room.  What followed was a lame attempt at the sex talk intertwined with religion.  What he didn't know, was that I had learned about this 4 or 5 years previous on my own, not to mention that I had been on the periodic receiving end of oral sex for about three months.  Naturally I played dumb and placated him to get it over with.

Lesson learned.  Hide your porn stash better dumb ass!

Unraveling the Mystery, pt. 4

My first sexual experience (that included someone other than myself!) was at 16. By this age I had a few girlfriends and even hit "first & second base" if you're familiar with that old metaphor.

Being LDS my friends and I frequented the youth dances that occurred every Saturday night.  A friend of mine introduced me to "Dana" who was a very cute girl from Korea who was not Mormon.  (Maybe this is where I developed an early fondness for Asian women!)  We "hit it off" or at least as much a you can when you're at that age.  She was a year younger physically but far more experienced than I was sexually.  Or at least that that was my impression...she didn't go into any details about her sex life and i was way too shy (and perhaps naive) to ask.

One of the great things about Mormon churches was the sheer number of rooms that were contained within them.  We would slip out of the dance, find a dark hallway and eventually would find a door that was accidentally left unlocked.  We discovered a room that was frequently unlocked that contained...not kidding here...a love seat and a small couch.

We would lock the door and "make-out" there quietly during the dances.  After about the third weekend during one of our secret make-out sessions her hand began rubbing my crotch.  (Which at that age, erections were as common as breathing).  This was the first time I experienced being touched by something other than my own hands.  I'm amazed I didn't tear my pants!

Next thing I know she un-buckled my pants and before I could catch my breath, had me unzipped and my pants/underwear pulled down around my ankles.  I looked down and my very erect penis was standing at full attention.  I remember her warm hands....one began stroking my cock, the other caressing my boys while her eyes looked up and right through me.  I was using all of my will power not to explode when she went down on me.  A warm mouth and tongue engulfed me and how i didn't cry out, I don't know.  I'm sure I lasted all of about 30 seconds before the orgasm hit, and it hit hard.

Each pulse/spasm/burst felt like a large and relentless gush of cum exiting my body.  Without taking her eyes off of me she swallowed in perfect time to each burst.  I can still remember the sound of her gulping and taking a quick shallow breath in between that was a half whimper, half breath.  I felt like my life force, soul, or some aspect of my conscious self was being sucked out of me.  Later I wondered if this specific sensation was the inspiration behind the legends of Vampires. After what seemed like an abnormally long orgasm (compared to my self gratification sessions) my heart was racing and I felt as though I would pass out.   I could faintly taste (what I presumed to be semen) myself on her lips after she kissed me.

We adjusted and fixed our clothes and we returned to the dance as if nothing happened.  Awkwardly enough, I had this lasting impression that women enjoyed swallowing during fellatio.  I found out in later years, sometimes to my embarrassment, that this was actually more of the exception rather than the rule.  I didn't mind, I was just new to the experience.

By this time in life, I don't particularly care what happens when I cum during felatio....once I get there.
I will say...the benefits of swallowing from my perspective is that sensation of being consumed I mentioned earlier, and consistency of sensation.  The latter meaning that right before orgasm, if something changes such as...leaving the mouth, a tooth scrape, or a change in rhythm or grip will kill the orgasm, and I go back 3 steps in building that up again.  So in that crucial last 30 seconds...not changing anything except a slight build in intensity is crucial.

Just as much, I enjoy seeing and heating my cum splatter against soft breasts or skin is equally rewarding for me.  I often enjoyed oral sex more than anything, as there is something more personal occurring there.  Here is an image that instantly turns me on.

Perhaps it combines the visuals of warm cum splattered against silky thigh highs....two of my favorite things.  Anyway...

So for about 3 months, this little "relationship" went on.  She never really let me do much more than kiss and grope her.  Now that I think about it, I never saw her in much of a state of undress.  This was my new religion.... a cute, strange Korean girl, who later decided that she was attracted to girls.  Maybe that explained why she never let me get into her pants?

Unraveling the Mystery, pt. 3

It was around 13 or 14 at my family's vacation home.  My younger sister had a playmate the same age at the neighbor's.  She had an older sister we'll call Misty.  Misty was 16, platinum blond spiky hair, slight makeup, classic 80's...she looked similar to this:

and yes...I had a crush.  But I was 2-3 years younger so in her eyes I didn't exist. Then one fateful day, her mom invited my sister and I to come over.  While my sister played with her friend....dolls, etc.  I was in their game room where they had a tv, a pool table, and other things to entertain a typical teenager.  The game room was adjacent to Misty's bedroom.  At the time I assumed she was gone.  What I didn't know, was that she was taking a bath across the hall.  I was bent down lining up a shot on the pool table when right in front of me she passed naked and wet.  I froze in terror but could not take my eyes off of her. She walked into her bedroom, picked up her phone to talk to a friend, as she leaned against the wall in direct view.  I didn't move let alone breathe.  This was my first real world sighting of a naked girl, and was etched into the proverbial spank bank for years to ...come.  Hell I can still remember it!

Heter...oh.

Hot tubs.  


The birthplace of naughty.  


It has to be.  


Warm water and naked bodies within close proximity.  


Stuff is going to happen.  


And what happens in the hot tub, stays in the hot tub.  


At least until it gets drained.

One of the wildest hot tub parties I experienced occurred in 2006.  It started out After an evening of debauchery at our friends’ house.  At one point, my friend’s wife was giving me a mind bending blow job while the woman on my right was...assisting her.... and my wife, much to my visual joy, was fingering herself. Yeah, that orgasm didn’t take long. After that we got invited over to a hot tub, the host being a friend of our friend, if that makes any sense.  

At one point the hot tub contained 8 naked people...4 guys and 4 women.  I was seated in an odd part of the tub next to the host’s friend, this young guy who seemed to be in his twenties at the time. We were seated right next to each other next to the steps, so we were kind of out of view somewhat.  Our friend “Vicky” was fooling around with him a little.  My friend’s wife began playing with my wife, much to the joy of the rest of the onlookers, especially the host who had a front row seat.  This continued for a long time.  

In the meantime, the guy I was next to commented on how sexy my wife is.  Naturally this gave me a real charge.  He asked if it turned me on to see my wife with other people, or if I ever got jealous.  I told him that it was one of the most erotic things I’ve ever seen, and jealousy was not an issue.  He asked if he thought she would be interested in having a threesome with him.  I told him that would be awesome and certainly a possibility.  (Unfortunately I got tired by 5 a.m. and that topic didn’t ever come back up.)

While we were talking and watching the goings-on, Vicky was man-handling both of us.  She was kind of strange so I wasn’t really paying attention to her, in spite of my erection.  She left.  While I was watching my wife who was on the verge of climaxing from all the hands on her, I noticed another hand that took over where Vicky left off.  I certainly didn’t mind and then it dawned on me....the only hand it could be....sure enough...belonged to the guy next to me.  The thing is, I was highly turned on and in full on deviant mode, so my inhibitions laid next to my clothes, wherever they were.  I was getting a hand-job from a guy and I didn’t mind.  We were under water, and out of view from the others...so like a good neighbor...I reached down and reciprocated.  It felt very strange...until that moment, the only cock I was used to feeling belonged to me!  At that time we were both shaved and smooth. The intensity and the danger of getting caught expedited things and as soon as I felt him cumming, I did too.  Having the same equipment I knew exactly what was occurring in my hand.  It was very erotic and felt uber-naughty.  That hot tub filter must have been working overtime that evening.  I was about to pass out and had to sit up out of the water to catch my breath.  At that point my wife emerged from the water and asked if I was ok, so many funny thoughts went through my head at that moment.

So yes, that was my first..and to date...only.... homo-erotic experience.  I still consider myself straight (ish) but apparently I like to bend the rules from time to time.

Girls do?

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What I grew up around

Typical of what proper dress and appearance was in my youth.

Images from my youth

Unraveling the Mystery, pt. 2

...continued from (http://dv8nt.blogspot.com/2012/05/unraveling-mystery-pt-1.html)

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Ah, porn.
I can admit that I've had a long term love affair with it since I opened the pages of my first Penthouse magazine.  I received my sex education from Mr. Bob Guccione's publications at the age of 13/14.  I wasn't getting any information about it anywhere else, so I went to the closest thing I could find for "expert advice."  I couldn't accept the blind obedience and strict abstinence policies preached to me from every corner around me.  Instead, they (being my parents, church and school) created this taboo and mysterious world that just beckoned to a hormone crazed curious teenager to peer into.

I can still remember that day in middle school, or 6th grade or whatever it was when all of the girls had this top secret assembly and we boys got to watch a movie instead.  We couldn't get any of the girls to spill the beans as to what it was.  Unlike other schools, we did not have sex or a reproductive section in our health or science class.  After all we don't talk about sex....shhh it's dirty and naughty except when a husband and wife share a special love. All we knew is that the following year, girls suddenly had breasts.  And we liked them.

I was a boy scout, and a member of a troop through my church.  I loved scouts, not for the badges or the mottos or the odd rituals they put you through.  I was in it for the campouts and camaraderie of my friends.  We had a "Stand by Me" kind of brotherhood that I'm grateful for to this day.  They kept me grounded when it seemed all this crazy talk about heaven, hell, second coming, and other supernatural tales abounded. We had a great deal of adventures in our youth as any boy should, and still keep in touch through facebook and the occasional get together.  The interesting part is all 5 of us have very devout LDS parents, whereas all five us denounced our membership with church at varying points in life.

Anyway, my friend "Charles" brought a couple copies of "Penthouse Letters" on a campout one fateful weekend.  The four of us piled into our tent/sleeping bags with a lantern and we whipped up some popcorn on a little single burner backpacking stove.  "Charles" would read the stories out loud like some sort of twisted story-time.  We naturally made typical adolescent comments and jokes throughout.  Truth be known we were in our sleeping bags because we were all sporting some serious boners!  Afterwards we had to get out into the cold night air and stir up some mischief so we could get our minds off our collective dicks.  This became a tradition.  Our campouts included music, porn, and mischief like some secret club a midst the mormon regime that supervised the campouts.  Charles had some amazing "black market" connections.  It seemed he had an unlimited supply of porn - Penthouse, Playboy, and Gallery.  There was something about the photography and soft filters used in Penthouse in the mid and late 80's that made it my favorite.  [Charles later became our source for alcohol...specifically wine coolers that were all the rage at the time - California Coolers (peach was our favorite) and Bartles & Jaymes'  Pina Colada]

It was traditional that during the summer my dad & I would go to a vacation destination in the mountains for 3 - 4 weeks during the summer.  My grandparents would camp at a nearby campground in their big trailer/camper.  These summers were another high point of my childhood.

There was a drugstore in town that we would frequent.  In those days, they kept Playboy and Penthouse on the same shelf as all the other magazines.  While my dad was checking out various things - bait & tackle, newspapers, snacks, etc. I discovered the trick of slipping the magazine inside of "Rolling Stone".  I'll never forget that summer when Maddona posed nude and was published in Penthouse.  That woman was responsible for so many adolescent sexual fantasies and self help sessions that I should name my penis after her. Ha! Just kidding. That would be weird ;)

Her music wasn't that interesting to me, but this persona of a sexually charged, strong willed, and boundry/gender pushing woman was fascinating to me.  Very different than the submissive, prim and proper mormon women (and girls) that surrounded me.

What I discovered, was that outside of the Mormon church there were others like me.  Men and women who had the same urges and naughty thoughts.  Women actually masturbated?  Whoa.  This was a turning point for me.  I'm running with the wrong crowd!

(to be continued)

Unraveling the Mystery, pt. 1

I was born and raised in the Mormon church in a small conservative town. (I left when I was 17/18 and never looked back.) This provided some really fucked up ideas at an impressionable age - whether overtly expressed, implied or otherwise.

• Women are subordinate to men.
• Nudity is improper, immoral and pure evil.  (Hey wait...I was born naked.)
• Girls don't masturbate
• Masturbation is a sin, yet it's a daily ritual
• Pre-marital sex is the ultimate bad.
• Men were in charge and brought home the bacon
• Women stayed at home and took care of the men, and had the occasional baby.
• Monogamy was preached by a religion that practiced polygamy.

Here is an interesting read on the subject, most of which I find to be true based on my experience and upbringing in the church: http://www.exmormon.org/mormwomn.htm

"Girls and boys are also told that a good and proper Mormon home is a patriarchal one."

Patriarch was a big word when I was a teenager. It basically meant "the man."

"Girls are told that God wants them at home (Laake 153), and boys are never taught to clean up after themselves, since when their mothers stop doing it for them, their wives will take over the job. These ideas, at least, have not changed at all since the nineteenth century. " This isn't necessarily preached in church but it is certainly a cultural thing. Looking back at my dad and even certain bad habits I inherited (ask my wife) there's something to this.

One of the things I had a hard time swallowing as a teenager were these 1850's ideas about gender and race existing in the 20th (then) century. This was the catalyst to my fallout with the church.

I find it interesting that here in the present, rather then come right out and say it on their web page, they've added a layer of obfuscation.

"Read other answers contributed by members of The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints. Answers are the sole responsibility of the members."

See for yourself and draw your own conclusions regarding "equality":
http://mormon.org/faq/role-of-husband-wife?gclid=CLKp97z2qbACFcleTAod_Ag_VA

Here is another interesting read:
http://www.exmormon.org/mormon/mormon001.htm

"This heinous homosexual sin is of the ages. Many cities and civilizations have gone out of existence because of it. It was present in Israel’s wandering days, tolerated by the Greeks, and found in the baths of corrupt Rome."- Prophet Spencer W. Kimball, "President Kimball Speaks Out on Morality," LDS New Era, Nov. 1980, Page 39

"Alternatives to the legal and loving marriage between a man and a woman are helping to unravel the fabric of human society. I am sure this is pleasing to the devil. The fabric I refer to is the family. These so-called alternative life-styles must not be accepted as right, because they frustrate God’s commandment for a life-giving union of male and female within a legal marriage as stated in Genesis. If practiced by all adults, these life-styles would mean the end of the human family."- Apostle James E. Faust, "Serving the Lord and Resisting the Devil," Liahona, Nov. 1995, Page 3.

"if practiced by all adults" WTF?

Holy crap, reading through this site is like reliving my childhood - http://www.exmormon.org/mormon/mormon281.htm


My favorite page:
http://www.exmormon.org/mormon/mormon161.htm :

"Church leaders have taught that death is better than engaging in pre-marital sexual activity." Oh, so true. Finally they pushed me to the point where it became a dare. =)

"I remember being scared to death because I was going to end up in the telestial kingdom for masturbating." A-fucking-men!

"Thank you for bringing up this topic of self Stimulation. First and foremost we will not run out of People on the Planet. Second masturbation is in my mind an acceptable form of sexual expression for those who are Divorced, Single, recently Widowed or just wanting to avoid making a mistake in a relationship. Disease is a real issue. And there is no guarantee that the Aids Vaccine undergoing clinical trials will be more than 30% effective. How many unhappy Marriages and Families are there due to this ridiculous dogma? Oh and Marrying anyone in order to become sexually active is another of my favorites. People trapped in loveless marriages, or abusive relationships. My advice to my oldest Children both married, self stimulation is much preferrable to a lifetime of mistakes compounded by a bad judgement call. Also those organs of the body that enable sexual expression are healthiest when exercised. These anal retentive fools are destroying peoples lives with their BS ignore them. "

Women / girls became a taboo, and the topic of sex was never discussed in my family. I was lead to believe that women were sacred because of the child bearing thing and implied that they did not have these same "urges" we boys had, so we had to control ourselves around them and not give in to "impure thought." I'm sorry, at age 13/14 impure thoughts were all I had and  to date, they have not yet stopped.

I believe I discovered self gratification around age 10/11 (I was a late bloomer)....although I don't think I really knew what it was, but I knew it was naughty because it involved my naughty bits so I kept it to myself. I was really confused and completely surprised when I had my first ejaculation around 12+ but thanks to the Junior High locker room discussions I got my answer clarified. (I never got the "talk"...I'll go more into that later.)

I started to think I was a serious pervert by age 14. It was somewhat isolating and I did not have an outlet other than my imagination and the frequent "long showers". I had one hella imagination. (Still do for that matter.) This did not encourage good social norms with girls for me. I was uber shy and intimidated. I was a walking hormone and was given the idea that girls were this ideal of purity that I had to respect until I went on a mission and got married. I didn't worry about going to hell....I felt like I was already there! I remember imagining a girl that felt like I did and ....gasp...even played with herself (however that worked). But that was preposterous of course. And then I discovered a little magazine by Bob Guiccioni. (To be continued).

The Chauffeur pt. 2

Inspired by my previous post, "the chauffeur", I first saw this video when I was 13/14 years old. Talk about a lasting impression! This was probably my first look at something "fetishy", not to mention two women seducing each other. Everytime I heard this song it induced a Pavlovian response...hell... it still does. To this day the thigh high stocking and garter combo is a favorite of mine. The sensation of nylon clad legs wrapped around me is ultra sensory stimuli for me. Given this scenario, as the chauffeur, I would probably wreck the car because I couldn't keep my eyes off of the rear view mirror. Sing blue silver.

A little Sin goes a long way

The devil inside has been hibernating for some time.  Occasionally he stirs and pokes at me, pushes my buttons, and pulls the puppet strings.  Yeah, I'm weak.  My vanilla status quo is begging for a little coriander and cinnamon.  I can't control the physical plane, but I can put bytes to "paper" and play with my mental genitalia.

I've decided to use this blog as my release valve as I once did along time ago, in a myspace, far far away. Some of what I write is pure fiction, merely fantasies, some of it is not.
Some of these fantasies have been acted out, some not.
In fact, it's been my experience that sometimes the fantasy is far better than the practical application
Perhaps it's the anticipation of the possibility of fulfillment. You know that familiar excitement....like when you were a fumbling teenager clumsily and slowly sliding your hand down across your girlfriend - as each centimeter passes, your heart rate increases, wondering if this time she'll let your hand slip into her panties...and explore the mysteries within.  I'll disguise the names & places to protect the not-so-innocent.

The majority of this blog will be textual (that rhymes with sexual) but I will occasionally include images that excite me.  I don't want to make this a "pRon" blog, but I am a voyeur, and a fan of erotic imagery.  So if that isn't your cup of tea, you should move on. (Also, I'm not posting any pics of us, so don't even ask.)

I'm a happily married heterosexual male and very much in love with my wife, who happens to be bisexual.  We define our own version of fidelity and have been together nearly 15 years.  Monogamy of the heart..... but below the waist......well....let's just say we've bent the rules of conventional "marriage".  "Swinging" isn't for everyone.  For that matter I've not really ever identified with the "S" word.  We don't consider ourselves to be in "the lifestyle".  Too much work, too much drama and this city is a little too small.  In the past we've had a core group of 'friends with benefits' but life has put us all on different paths.
  I will continue a thread called 'deviant memoirs' which may be some good insight for me in understanding why I have such a dirty, filthy mind.

Some of the things that interest me (from varying degrees) and topics I'll be approaching in this blog:

• Voyeurism.  I like to watch.  
• Bondage - specifically rope play and blindfolds.
• 'Good' pornography.  Who doesn't? (See #1)
• Erotic stories.  Good ones...not the cheesy and tired old penthouse letters.
• Asian women.  It's a bit of a fetish. Ask my wife.
• Threesomes.  Out of all my group experiences, three is still my favorite number.
• Alternative lifestyles.  From a cerebral point of view. I find them interesting.  
• Costumes/lingerie/clothing fetishes.  Boots!  Stockings! Garters! Corsets! Latex! Masks!   (See #1)
• light S&M.  I once preferred and identified with the Dominant.  After several naughty IM conversations with an internet friend over the years, my interests shifted to 'Cuckholding' and Female domination.  By light, I mean this in a role playing situation and not a full on lifestyle.  
• Reverse cross-dressing.  By that... I mean women who dress up like men.  Short slicked back hair and a business suit holding a martini in one hand and a cigar in the other. (This while she has some sexy lingerie on underneath. Maybe even a penciled-in mustache. I don't know, maybe there is some recessive bi-curiosity deep down there somewhere.  When I was a teenager Madonna and some other pop stars toyed with this much to my surprising arousal.  The non-traditional female role seems to be a BIG 'trigger' for me.
• Role playing.  (Speak of the devil.)  I can't believe we've never done this.  But sometime I'd like to 'pick up' my wife in a bar...and/or also watch her get hit on from a distance.  Perhaps at a lounge in a hotel where we secretly have a room.  I sheepishly ask the waitress to bring her a drink and have her point me out.  At some point she pulls out "her" room key, hands it to me at the bar and leaves. Or perhaps hire her to be my 'escort' some evening.

So there is a bit about me and my introduction to this blog.  Cheers!
MDM.