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Ah, porn.
I can admit that I've had a long term love affair with it since I opened the pages of my first Penthouse magazine. I received my sex education from Mr. Bob Guccione's publications at the age of 13/14. I wasn't getting any information about it anywhere else, so I went to the closest thing I could find for "expert advice." I couldn't accept the blind obedience and strict abstinence policies preached to me from every corner around me. Instead, they (being my parents, church and school) created this taboo and mysterious world that just beckoned to a hormone crazed curious teenager to peer into.
I can still remember that day in middle school, or 6th grade or whatever it was when all of the girls had this top secret assembly and we boys got to watch a movie instead. We couldn't get any of the girls to spill the beans as to what it was. Unlike other schools, we did not have sex or a reproductive section in our health or science class. After all we don't talk about sex....shhh it's dirty and naughty except when a husband and wife share a special love. All we knew is that the following year, girls suddenly had breasts. And we liked them.
I was a boy scout, and a member of a troop through my church. I loved scouts, not for the badges or the mottos or the odd rituals they put you through. I was in it for the campouts and camaraderie of my friends. We had a "Stand by Me" kind of brotherhood that I'm grateful for to this day. They kept me grounded when it seemed all this crazy talk about heaven, hell, second coming, and other supernatural tales abounded. We had a great deal of adventures in our youth as any boy should, and still keep in touch through facebook and the occasional get together. The interesting part is all 5 of us have very devout LDS parents, whereas all five us denounced our membership with church at varying points in life.
Anyway, my friend "Charles" brought a couple copies of "Penthouse Letters" on a campout one fateful weekend. The four of us piled into our tent/sleeping bags with a lantern and we whipped up some popcorn on a little single burner backpacking stove. "Charles" would read the stories out loud like some sort of twisted story-time. We naturally made typical adolescent comments and jokes throughout. Truth be known we were in our sleeping bags because we were all sporting some serious boners! Afterwards we had to get out into the cold night air and stir up some mischief so we could get our minds off our collective dicks. This became a tradition. Our campouts included music, porn, and mischief like some secret club a midst the mormon regime that supervised the campouts. Charles had some amazing "black market" connections. It seemed he had an unlimited supply of porn - Penthouse, Playboy, and Gallery. There was something about the photography and soft filters used in Penthouse in the mid and late 80's that made it my favorite. [Charles later became our source for alcohol...specifically wine coolers that were all the rage at the time - California Coolers (peach was our favorite) and Bartles & Jaymes' Pina Colada]
It was traditional that during the summer my dad & I would go to a vacation destination in the mountains for 3 - 4 weeks during the summer. My grandparents would camp at a nearby campground in their big trailer/camper. These summers were another high point of my childhood.
There was a drugstore in town that we would frequent. In those days, they kept Playboy and Penthouse on the same shelf as all the other magazines. While my dad was checking out various things - bait & tackle, newspapers, snacks, etc. I discovered the trick of slipping the magazine inside of "Rolling Stone". I'll never forget that summer when Maddona posed nude and was published in Penthouse. That woman was responsible for so many adolescent sexual fantasies and self help sessions that I should name my penis after her. Ha! Just kidding. That would be weird ;)
Her music wasn't that interesting to me, but this persona of a sexually charged, strong willed, and boundry/gender pushing woman was fascinating to me. Very different than the submissive, prim and proper mormon women (and girls) that surrounded me.
What I discovered, was that outside of the Mormon church there were others like me. Men and women who had the same urges and naughty thoughts. Women actually masturbated? Whoa. This was a turning point for me. I'm running with the wrong crowd!
(to be continued)
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